06/22/98 My son e-mailed me, "The craziest thing happen to Tanya and I. It is about your side of the family. Do you want to here about it?"
I called him cuz being asked first I felt ok about hearing it, I was on my way out the door for dinner and didn't want to wait to find out.
My son was at Laguna Niguel beach in CA on Father's Day. As he walks over the hill he says to his wife sarcastically, "Just watch, the Bartons (my oldest sister's family) will be here." So he's fishing and he looks up to see my twin and the rest of the family walk past him, not recognizing my son. Without thinking he said loudly with disgust, "Oh shit!!!" My twin looks at him, "OMG!!!" and they proceed to what they think is a happy reunion.
Turns out my oldest neice, Cheryl Lee, the one who had a breakdown remembering before me, had a breakdown again a year ago and spent time in a mental hospital. She's been living with my twin ever since. She used to be repressed and angry. My son said he was surprised how relaxed and open she was. Her 16 year old daughter, the one molested by her father as a toddler, investigated churches on her own and is now involved and happy in the church.
My twin hardly talked. My oldest sister, Pat, 59 years old, had put together this family get-together.
My niece, Cinthy, (the one who wrote me that I am full of evil, filth, and hate and the rest of the family has TRUE love) and her husband were there. They were the only ones to recognize that my son, John, didn't want to visit with them and can't stand them. My son learned they didn't want to be at the get-together either. No one asked about me. They asked about my ex's brothers. Guess that was a safe subject. My mother wasn't there. Too old for these trips? She turns 90 in September.They said to my son, "Mimi would like to hear from you." John said, "I bet she would."
My kids are normal, happy, communicative kids. <sigh> I'm relieved. It's been better for me and my kids to have made all those hellish decisions.
My head swam a little bit hearing it all.
While I was hearing the story a survivor wrote me how much my webpages helped her. I didn't read the details of her message. However it helped give me reassurance while my head was spinning.
Then another survivor,dc, wrote me a goodby, she's going offline, and it included the words of reassurance I needed to hear. She was already offline and doesn't know how timely and helpful her words were.I feel better. There's a piece of me that grieves desperately at their loss and questions whether I'm crazy. Then I look at all the results in me and my family. I look at the friends in my life, the kind of people I have in my life today. We are so much better off.
One of my best friends, CJ, wrote: Subject: "Normal" You always have to put that word in quotes you know...'crazy' does indeed fit me, but that's 'normal' for me! If you think about the majority of the world and all the weird gyrations they go thru you'd have to come to the conclusion that the rest of the world is crazy and we are normal. But since the text books tell us that people who think that way are crazy and the rest of the world is fine...oh, well. I've come to the firm conclusion that 'different' fits better - they're different from us, we're different from them...I decided that different is better for me. What we really want is for our loved ones to also find that peace. I think of it as waiting in the wings. It may be a long wait, it may never happen - but I'm not going back into the trenches! It wouldn't help them, it would only hurt me. So I'm not going there."
"You are the only problem you will ever have. And, baby, you are the only solution." Raymond Douglas Stanford
