Men are not the only

  Whether you are a custodial parent, a non-custodial parent, a first wife, a second wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, ask yourself if you're behaving in the best interest of the child.    

"We are the court fools, who must ridicule the ideas and suppositions put before us. By our pranks, we force people to challenge their assumptions, and look at things in another way. By our pranks, we reopen the minds of others to another view of reality. By our pranks, we make people think."

04/15/02

The LA Regional robotics competition was Thu 4/4 - 4/6. Spring break began Fri 4/5. Bm was irritated that a fixed weekend due her that's detailed in the visitation order was occurring during spring break with her. She wanted an alternate weekend for the fixed weekend.

We said we would if she let ss stay for Sat 4/6 at robotics. According to court order she could get ss 6pm Fri, but 99% of the time she chooses 8:30a Saturdays so she doesn't have to travel after work during traffic.

She refused.

Then she wrote that ss should attend the last day of robotics, and she would if we would give her the 1 weekend, 3/15, when we'd told her 2xs we were busy that weekend. That was the weekend we were getting Mexican Exchange Student, wanted family to bond, and Exchange Student dinner that Sat night. Dh wrote her he was glad she agreed he should attend the last day of the competition, and offered her a 2 day weekend in exchange for the last day of robotics, and the alternate weekend for the fixed weekend, but it would have to be a weekend other than 3/15.

She wrote that since we were being so inflexible that she wouldn't let him stay for Sat, and she would pick him up 8pm Fri night, the soonest she could get there after work.

BTW, last year our robotics' team won regional and national. This year at regional we nearly came in last. However, our entire family has joined robotics cuz of ss since he always wanted to quit, and his mom always tries to make him quit. Dh is now adult advisor, I'm taking care of cookies and spirit (like bubbles and stuff, or saving seats) and our 17yo daughter ended up co-driving the entire competition. We almost came in last but she was a huge success. Dh, ss, and my daughter are all going to FL championship paid for by the school (cuz we won last year). Bm let dh know early school year that if any robotics competition occurs during his time with her, even a FL Orlando national competition, that he wouldn't be going. We got lucky for the 2nd year in a row. Ss is with us during championship. There's talk of my daughter being student president of robotics next year.

Dh picks up ss 4/14 3pm. BTW, I asked dh why visitation order says 3pm, when all other pickups are 6pm.   He reminded me that when bm had custody she so wanted ss home for every Easter (which is alternated each year) that she demanded pick up was 3pm. She never expected dh to win custody summer '99, and that things she'd demanded in the visitation order would come back to haunt her.

Anyway, 15 minutes after dh picked up ss bm calls me a little frantic and angry. Ss had left a bunch of stuff behind. Dh wasn't answering his cell phone. She thought that I could reach his cell phone. I pointed out that if his phone wasn't working, I couldn't reach him either. She insisted I reach him. I responded, "You can email him. He gets paged on emails." I wasn't going to do her work for her. Her demands do not make an emergency for me. She mumbled that it would take some time for her to get online. I shrugged and said ok. Then I remembered. She had emailed the robotics director a year ago, given us a hard copy of the email and response with her email address blacked out. That was when we learned she had email. But ss said she didn't want to give us her email address believing we'd spam her. Now her dilemma was emailing dh.

She didn't email dh. They came home. Ss called bm. Bm has to snail mail the stuff.

2 things about that. #1 we ALWAYS have ss prepared, packed and ready to go on time. She likes to keep dh waiting everytime. And now they weren't even prepared. #2 When bm had custody she had a huge tantrum each time a sock was left at our house and made a huge ordeal that it must be Fed Expressed immediately. That's come back to haunt her now. I guess she couldn't say no to ss insisting he must get the stuff immediately.

I learned it includes his prescription acne meds that must be refrigerated, and his retainer. *shaking my head* He's not supposed to take his retainer unless it's more than a 2 week trip. I guess she demands he take it.

BTW, ss didn't do any of the homework he was supposed to do at bm's house. So each night he's up late getting it done since getting home.

So last night bm calls the kids' line. My daughter answers. We've all been thru this drill. We don't let ss take phone calls while doing homework, especially from his mom cuz she likes to tell him he doesn't have to do homework when we say he does and he comes downstairs to announce he's not doing more homework, she likes to lie about why she needs to talk to him, and create all kinds of drama, or promise a short call and drill him for 45 minutes about every minute detail of his day and our lives that have nothing to do with her.

So my daughter follows the routine, tells bm ss's doing homework. You'd think bm would have learned by now. My daughters can't be bullied. Bm still tries tho. When bm insisted a 3rd time she MUST talk to ss NOW, my daughter hung up.

Bm calls our line (which she's supposed to do when she needs to argue - our girls are not supposed to have to argue with her) while dh is busy getting the lizard cat brought in, and I'm at a crucial dinner cooking point. I answer brusquely not knowing who it is, learn it's bm wanting dh and quickly put her on hold.

Dh finishes about the lizard and takes the call. BM is angry, "Your daughter hung up on me!" Dh said, "She probably put you on hold" not knowing the history. BM demands to talk to ss about the package she's mailing. Dh says he'll have him call 9:30p, thinking homework will be done.

9:30p homework isn't done, but dh has ss stop and call bm telling him to make it short.

All she wanted to tell him is that she's already mailed the package, it will be there tomorrow, and she insisted he make sure someone will be home to receive it. Then she grilled him for 15 minutes about all kinds of other stuff.

*sigh* Like she couldn't just tell my daughter or dh that she'd mailed the package. She just HAS to use these opportunities to be covert and manage a conversation with ss when it isn't convenient to us - that's her badge of accomplishment that seems to be so important to her - she demands the one weekend for visitation that we've told her repeatedly our family is busy on, and she demands to talk to ss at length when it's inconvenient.

Concerned Stepmom

04/16/02 The package, or a notice about a package, didn't arrive.